You might have noticed a question mark above this because I’m not sure if this is making me happy or not but it’s something that should make me happier/less anxious as it goes on.
I wrote something (Not on one of my days) about being called by a phone counsellor. Weeeeeeeeeell! Very bad practice but.. I was told by the counsellor I spoke to the other day (He works in a place called Salis) that he would be talking me but then I was called up yesterday saying I was going to have an appointment with another counselling service the next day. I had already said I would rather stick to the other place because the counsellor I talked to today (Who works with Employment counselling services) only offers 6 sessions.
I said I would rather go with Salis (They may be called salice?) because they offer longer term counselling.
I would find it difficult to go through everything with someone only to have to see someone else after 6 weeks. (I say ‘see’ but I have appointments over the telephone)
I had to fill out another psychometric fucking test which I honestly hate. (Scuse the French but I feel really angry at being messed about like this) I have already said I didn’t want short term counselling, I had decided to go with Salice etc etc.
Psychometric tests always remind me of the Scene in ‘A clockwork orange’ where the woman is showing Alex pictures of weird things and asking him what he wants to do. Like a nest with birds in it “eggy weggs smash em all up” …”Yes. Good Good” (Actually those pictures might provide more insight as the person is more or less free to say what they want albeit in the confines of a story.
I was asked a little about my week which has actually been quite stressful. She asked me what I do to combat stress and I said I had started writing a blog and was exercising and trying to learn more about meditation and doing a bit of that and trying to make myself go out as much as I can. She said ‘Ok, then keep exercising, try to read more on meditation, try to go out when you can and think about whether your relationship is holding you back?! Basally she recommended everything I said I was already doing plus asked me to question my relationship because we have been going through a bit of a stressful time.
It all felt weird and at the moment I am not happy. I’m not happy at being messed around, I’m not happy that I had to do another psychometric test “On a scale of one to five, Five being very much so and one being not at all.. how sad and lonely do you feel?” I swear that was a question. That question can’t be answered by a number!! Jesus!! The only people psychometric testing helps are companies that want to fit people into boxes and categories. The annoying thing about that is that it absolutely just doesn’t work!
I actually feel depressed today..Like real depression. A dark cloud over me and I can’t seem to shift it.
So, tomorrow I will try again that forces me happy. I think life circumstances permitting. If I feel my life is falling down around my feet putting on a clowns nose and honking like a seal might not work… then again it might. I’m not sure any more.
Hopefully there will be something less negative tomorrow but for now, this is all I have in me.