I was asked by someone who wrote to me on here if there was a definition of happiness or what I thought it was. I was wondering what you thought about this:
“I think people are constantly chasing happiness because I don’t think it actually has a definition. I think it is a subjective feeling of knowing that things are as good as you can make them in your life.”
I went on to say that I think things for me would be as good as they could be in my life if my anxiety levels were not so high and I could visit a friend, go on holiday or just ‘be’ without the fear of fear hanging over me. I am lucky that the basics that can bring us joy I already have; A few good friends, A loving partner, my health enough food and a home that feels secure. I take none of these things for granted and are happy and grateful I have them.
It would be interesting what your thoughts were on my definition of happiness. When we get what we want do you think our ideas change about what we want next? Should we set ourselves a happiness limit somehow to avoid not being happy? I think if we make things as good as we possibly can (within our means) then we can be happy. You see this when you look at children in non western ‘Third world’ countries who have no toys and little food smiling widely when they make up their own games and follow the honey gatherers to the woods to get a taste of sweet honey.
I think that is why this journey is important for me. It’s a sort of exaggerated version of trying to live life to the full in small ways. Everything I am doing is not expensive and is sometimes even just doing something that will save me from becoming unhappy. (I think this is just as important) and sometimes it is even allowing myself time to think about what I need to feel happy. (Well my definition of happy)
Again I am rambling!! Haha.. Excuse me!! … Anyway, what do you think?? Do you think that definition of happiness seems right? It does to me.. but then I think happiness is very personal so maybe not definable at all.. which is fine as long as you can feel it!
Love and light always. xxLisa
No. no limits on happiness, for when you reach a ‘level’ and you have to set yourself a goal for the next level of happiness you may get more disappointed that you don’t reach it, therefore not being happy. (If that makes sense) Happiness is a personal thing, maybe you need to ‘let go’ and just be & not try to strive for the ;be all and end all; happy. If you continue to analyse why you are not at your happiest, or feel there should be other things that would make you happy, you will end up being stressed about it? As you say you have friends, a loving partner, a home etc – what do YOU think you are missing? *smiles*
Well, the ability to leave my home without being medicated. I think good mental health is imperative for happiness.
Would you be happy being stuck in your house for 10 years, 20 years or even 30 years or longer when you loved to go out into the world?
Like I say, within the confines of my life (suffering from agoraphobia *Even though it is not as bad as when I didn’t leave my house in over 3 years*) I have striven to make myself as happy as possible. Done music from my home, studied, met partners and friends and read a lot of books!
You may feel that I should be happy with my lot. I disagree. Being agoraphobic and suffering almost daily from Chronic anxiety makes me feel very unhappy. It’s miserable. I want to be free of that. I don’t think that is being greedy or unreasonable. I promise you if you felt this and I really hope you never have or have to you would feel unhappy and want your suffering to end. I guess the point for me is to be stress free and then I wont have to worry about it.
Personally speaking I can’t be as happy as I possibly can be within the confines of my life until I deal with my anxiety/agoraphobia. (I think dealing with problems is within the confines of a life btw.. by confines I mean social circumstances, economic confines etc etc)
xxLisa
I completely agree with you, Lisa. Being happy is very hard if you’re anxious and fearful of leaving your home. It isn’t too much to want to be free of that. Mental HEALTH is quite integral to our happiness. I’d say it’s fairly difficult to achieve if you’re depressed, anxious, phobic of something, etc.
I wish I could go out without fear but I get anxious and have a hard time leaving my home unless I’ve got an appointment or something to go to. Not fun at all! I’ve been like this for years and it just goes from tolerable to awful depending on my circumstances-i.e. if I’m employed, attending school, that sort of thing.
Since being unemployed these last 2 years I’ve stayed inside a lot except for when I could convince myself it was too lovely out not to go outside. Tomorrow I am going to a confidence building workshop so I have to go out. Hopefully it will help me to be able to leave the house more.
Good luck with your workshop!! I’m sorry you are going through this. There are different levels of agoraphobia. Some people can go to work and back or to a route they feel comfortable with but feel uncomfortable going anywhere else.
There is a lot of great tips and information from people writing on this site you should have a look through and see if any sound like things that you could do.
I hear the best therapy for agoraphobia is CBT. I hope to receive that soon from my counsellor who is trained in it. Maybe it is something you could think about?
Wishing you the best of luck!! xxLisa
Thanks, Lisa. I’ll look into that. I’ve had CBT for some other things I was dealing with and it helped me. Perhaps working on my confidence will be enough if I am lucky! Good luck to you too with your counsellor.
Lisa, I do apologise, for what probably sounded abrupt or out of context in my last post – believe me it wasn’t meant to be. I did not know that you suffer from agoraphobia and if I offended you I am truly sorry.
That’s ok. Thank you for apologising. I thought you knew which was why I felt a bit baffled. I suppose agoraphobia comes under health though so I should have said (Aside from my mental health problems)
xxLisa
I think also that it is a personal thing, and what makes one person happy would have another one miserable. My sister is happiest when traveling, me not so much.
I ‘got happy’ when I divorced my ex, kinda by accident. 18 years of daily abuse. I was stupid, and didn’t know really that there was any other way, as this is how my parents treated me and each other as well, literally till the day they died. Once the ex was gone, and mostly out of my life (We have a child, 1 1/2 years and my son will be 18 and the ex can lose my fucking phone number!) The person I’m with now makes me happy every day, just by him being here. Even after 10 years, I still sometimes can’t belive that a person can be happy like this day in, day out.
I am so happy that you have found happiness and so sorry that you had to endure all that abuse.
You are right about one person’s happy things being another’s nightmare too!! Jumping out of planes makes people happy.. No thanks.. I would rather read a good book and drink some hot chocolate!! :/
xxxxLisa
Happiness is fleeting. I think contentment can be a constant, you can create a nice life for yourself and feel pretty content but true happiness every minute of every day? don’t know if that is possible. Things can make us happy on a daily basis and they can be simple like the magic moments thing, getting a parking space, the meal you cooked for a dinner party turned out perfectly or you have good laugh or get a nice surprise but they feelings of joy or excitement are momentary you cant possibly keep that going. living for the moments can be really good for us and taking the time to notice what’s special or what we have to happy about.
Thank you for your beautiful insightful comments and for sharing your life with me. You are the one constant that makes my life happy.
xx Your wooooaaahman! hehe
I think the basics are important for my happiness. A safe home, enough food, my kitties, my partner, good physical health, a reliable car and an income to keep all of these things. A car isn’t one of the most important, but it makes life easier. I know we have it a lot easier than some.
Yes. One persons basics are another person’s luxuries. I find that a really interesting concept.
xxLisa
I don’t know if there is one definition for happiness, like you said, it depends on the person. I don’t think “the basics” are actually a basis for happiness… personally I have a family, friends, a nice home and everything I need. I am succeeding at university, and have very good prospects in life. But I’m far from happy, my depression and anxiety see to that! I don’t really know what it would take for me to be happy, I think if I could get free from depression/anxiety my life would be pretty damn good! I’m so glad you’re doing this project, it is very interesting to read about, and wish you well!
xx
So sorry to hear depression and anxiety are in your life at the moment. I promise you that you can overcome these things. I had horrendous depression. So bad I am surprised I am still here. I had to do things in my life to change and I also took anti-depressants for a long time. Now I look back and I know I will never be that depressed again.
It can take time to work out what works for you and what you need. I am still struggling with anxiety but I know I can work through it ..I just need to be more pro-active.
Your good prospects will still be there as will University. It’s necessary to work on your own mental health issues first. If you can juggle university and your mental health problems then that’s great but if not would it be possible to talk to a student adviser? Maybe you need a year out? If any of these things are possible for you then maybe you should think about them.
Think about all your options and do what will be best of your health.
Take care of you xxLisa
Thank you for taking the time to write such a nice reply
I am sorry you went through bad depression, but very glad that you’ve got through it!
I did think about dropping out of uni at some point last year, but decided that would probably make me feel worse! I feel like if I drop out or take time out I will feel more like a failure, so it’s not a good idea. My uni are aware of my depression, and I frequently see a doctor (friends joke that I live at the doctors!)
Take care too, Anxious Elephant xx
For me, I feel most happy when I forget about myself and help others. Teaching brings me great happiness. Some days are hard, but even on the hard days I know that what I am doing is right and good and it makes me happy. Creating things for others makes me happy. They needed it and I was able to give it to them. Helping my children and spouse makes me happy. I guess I am happiest when I am needed. When I have something to give that no one else can.
My guide for happiness: “To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellowmen. Service to others is akin to duty, the fulfillment of which brings true joy.”
True happiness is lasting and more steady than that super excited over the top fleeting happiness that only comes sometimes.
Sure a house, a car, a husband, my kids… all those things bring me happiness. But a house and a car bring only fleeting happiness. True lasting happiness comes from what we do for others. All the things that give me anxiety disappear when I focus on others and what I can do for them.
I think what you are doing is amazing Lisa, and not only are you going to learn what happiness is for you along this journey, what brings lasting happiness vs. fleeting happiness, but you are going to help others with their journey to find happiness as well. You see, what you are doing is helping others… I hope that you can see that.
Thanks for “forcing” me to think about this today. I appreciate you and what you do for me
Love,
Rebecca
How beautiful. You have a real way with words and it’s always a pleasure to read about your thoughts.
I think you are right about helping others.. One of my biggest erm rules I guess is ‘be kind’. I know that if I try my best to be kind I will at least be happy with myself.
Love right back! xxLisa
Aw thanks :`) Little tear there. You make my day.
Hi,
I think your explaination sums it up. There isn´t really one definition for happiness, because what makes one person happy doesn´t necessarily make another person happy. Happiness is a momentary emotion that is correlated with the laughter and joy you bring another. That´s how I see it, anyhow. I`m most happy when I`m making others laugh and relax.
Me too. I think laughter is a communal activity and maybe happiness encourages us to be more social.. I think you are totally right!
xxLisa
You said it yourself, your definition of happiness seems right to you, and thats basically about it.
http://www.thehappymovie.com
Thank you for reading my post “falling robins”. I love what you have written and would add my post under “Freude” (German for Joy). I will be following your experiment with great interest.
Thank you love.
xxLisa
Hi Lisa. I’ve kind of said this, but I think happiness is often not at all what we think it is.
Chasing happiness is admitting you don’t have it already.
Wanting to change your life so you can be happy is denying yourself the chance to be happy with what you have.
Human experience must include good and bad, ups and downs – happiness is just one part of a full life – so you need sad to have happy.
It’s good to pursue goals, but more important to enjoy the pursuit – then you can enjoy ‘failure’ as much as ‘success’, because it’s not failure, it’s a surprise destination.
Your agoraphobia has led to you sharing via your blog – and I see so many enjoying your blog and gaining from it. All things have a purpose – maybe this is part of yours – in this infinite, unknowable tapestry of life?
A happy thought indeed
Love and peace
Thank you.
I particularly liked this bit:
“All things have a purpose – maybe this is part of yours – in this infinite, unknowable tapestry of life?”
I’m not sure how much I believe in fate or that ‘all things happen for a reason’ but I know that you can’t change your past and so must learn from it.
Being agoraphobic has taught me patience especially with people. I think I used to be a lot more flighty. I always cared about people but I don’t think I ever truly listened or took quality time out. Not sure if that makes sense.
Another thing I learned was to be by myself. I am never bored and actually (which may sound weird for someone who doesn’t leave their house much and isn’t working atm) I don’t have a lot of spare time for things. I have Uni work and other writing and research projects usually on the go as well as doing up the house. Before I went through having to be alone I found it very difficult and wanted to be around people all the time.
I guess these things come with age too but I hope that when I recover I can put the skills I have learned during my agoraphobic phase to good use as a therapist. Also I have had quite a lot of other mental illnesses so hope to be more empathic.
Thanks for your post! xx
I will read it now.
Oh wait.. I did read that! I read a lot of your blog..
If I’m honest I feel slightly uneasy about you because I don’t know what crime you committed. I believe that people can be rehabilitated and also that their own childhood abuse can affect what they do in the future and can mess up their sexual boundaries.
In not being up front with me even though you are anonymous I feel you are not giving me the chance to think about how I feel about what you did. I could chose not to want you are a ‘friend/follower’ or not but that is the risk you have to take.
Ahh Sorry, Ok I see what you mean..
I either didn’t receive an invite or I don’t know how to receive one. I will have a look. Thanks for being honest with me.
xLisa
I think it is easier to define happiness negatively… not that happiness is a negative feeling, but rather by defining the unhappiness. My default is happy, so I guess that works for me quite well, though there were times when I wasn’t feeling good at all about my life situation I am most unhappy when my movement is restricted, which only really happens when I am stuck to a bed or in a traffic jam, or, metaphorically, when I can’t see a way out. I also remember feeling nervous or even anxious for the first few months at the new school, when I was 11, but it faded after I hit the schoolyard bully over the head with my lunchbox
Interesting insight.
Thank you. xxLisa