A fortunate find gave me my melting moment!!
At the moment I am on a benefit called ESA (Employment support allowance). When the Tory/liberal democrat (Total friggin oxymoron) coalition government got voted in they decided to scrap ‘income support’ and ‘incapacity allowance’ (which I think I was on.. it’s very confusing!!)
Anyway being on ESA I have a sort of support worker which is good. She isn’t pushing me to get a job or anything (I wouldn’t be capable of that atm but I am working on it) but she was working on making sure I was doing my course and helping me to find a counsellor so I can get better.
She is actually a counsellor herself and in our first conversation she suggested that she give me telephone counselling from the other place she works. I didn’t really know her then and mentioned that I thought there might be some ethical issues so it might be better if I saw someone else..
Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong story short.. I was messed about a bit, offered short term counselling (4-6 sessions) which I specifically said I didn’t want. I was led to believe that someone was going to be my counsellor and he wasn’t and I felt a bit vulnerable telling him some things about me.
THEN.. I asked the women who was my support worker if she could be my counsellor. We had chatted a lot by this point and I felt she ‘got me’ and I really liked her. So I was happy when she said she would sort it out last week.
THEN…. today (Do you like my dramatic THEN’s?).. she called to say she had spoken to her bosses and they said it would be a conflict of interest. (pretty much what I said ..well exactly what I said to her like 2 months ago!) She suggested I find my own counsellor.. I must admit I felt a bit sad and let down and also freaking out a bit about finding a counsellor that I could afford and that would take me on long term.
The woman from the agency had suggested I see if The open university had a counselling service as I study with them. I searched and they didn’t BUT I saw a wee post from someone who suffered from anxiety looking for the same help and someone recommended ‘Anxiety UK’
I looked on their website and they looked great so I called up right away! If you are on benefits it’s £30 for a years membership and £12 per weekly session. The sessions can last as long as I want and they do counselling and CBT. Exactly what I wanted!! The guy on the phone was lovely and really gently spoken.
I paid my membership and I am just waiting for the women from the agency to get back to me so I can ask her to fax proof that I am on benefits and hopefully soon I will have a telephone counsellor at last!!
I did feel like melting.. I honestly feel I have been bashed from pillar to post (This is not to mention all the things they kept referring me to when I was younger and I couldn’t go because I couldn’t leave my house.) It’s always felt like help has always been just out of reach. When I paid my membership I realised that Within the next month at the latest (probably even earlier) I can begin my journey with a counsellor. You can’t (well you probably can) believe the relief I feel.
When I got off the phone I got that magic feeling. Like I had accomplished something for myself (Why didn’t I know about this sooner? Actually I know ..because I assumed that I could only get counselling Via my doctor!!) ***Newsflash** My advisor woman just called and said she would send the fax off tomorrow.. being counselled is getting closer… I can feel it! 
**** I also felt melty because this was something I was worrying about and this charity seems amazing.
So far I would recommend anyone with anxiety/agoraphobia to look them up. I will let you know more once I get an actual appointment. ~~
I feel excited!! This has been a productive day!!
Hope you all have at least a wee bit of a melting moment at some point today!!
Love and light xxLisa
Great news Lisa. So happy for you. Yay for anxiety UK! Xx
Thank You!
xx
I can understand why the support worker viewed it as a conflict of interest. Having worked in mental health and having a diploma in psychotherapy I know it can be a minefield in some respects when working with people. As for telephone counselling, I’m sceptical that even works as you miss out on fundamentals such as body language, active listening and empathy etc. Counselling, I think is always best with someone that you initially don’t know. Friends have often asked me for advice in the past but because I know them and their history I kind of have an opinion by default, so I can’t really be impartial.
Good luck with the counselling though and if nothing else talking to someone and having the therapy of disclosure will help.
I am finishing off an honours degree in Psychology and have 2 parts left of a counselling degree and I believe phone therapy works just fine. In some cases better especially if the client has anxiety. You might miss out on body language but if the therapy is person centred you will get to hear their story. I don’t really want someone who works within a psycho dynamic framework because there is a lot about that I don’t actually think works and I don’t believe in.
Because I studied ethics a lot over the past 10 years of studying psychology and counselling It was me who actually said to her first about ethics being a problem for me. In the beginning it was until she began treating me like a counsellor anyway. The boundaries were certainly blurred.
Anyway, I am agoraphobic so phone counselling is my only choice. Lucky for me I believe it works!!
Thank you for your best wishes. x Lisa
Heya Lisa,
Yes, maybe in some cases phone counselling works but with things like CBT I think actual personal encouragement as in being there can be fundamental. I used to work with an ex army guy that developed agoraphobia, he was a lovely guy but never wanted to stray beyond the boundaries of his own doorstep. It took months of patience but in time working together we conquered his fears a small step at a time. Though you can disclose with phone counselling I think there’s much to be said for one on one therapy in some situations.
J.
I don’t think with CBT it is fundamental. Psychotherapy though totally different story. There are books that I think are ok for actually getting people on the road to changing their thought patterns.. It just takes A problem and steps to change it. We think differently about therapy..that’s ok though!
x
Hi Lisa – thanks for dropping into my blog. I haven’t looked through all of yours, but I want to say ‘well done’ for tackling the difficulties in your life the way that you are doing – and have you read Louise Hay’s ‘You can heal your life’? If not, then I thoroughly recommend it.
Thank you. I will give that a wee look!!
xxLisa
Something completely unrelated crossed my mind when I read CBT…
That aside, I think it’s great that you have a long term counsellor. I know counselling, no matter the medium, can work wonders – though my only counsellor up to now always lived at the bottom of a bottle of booze, and he wasn’t any good.
Oh dear.. yeah,,If you want to talk to someone who is drunk and wants to philosophise just go to the pub!!
Thank you. xx
CBT was always generally regarded as the quick fix, something doctors used back in the day when they had more time! Though there’s been more research again into it of late. It’s very much horses for courses and depends on which route you take psychotherapy wise, be it Gestalt, Humanistic Integrative, Existential, Person Centred (which is what I got my qualification in). I never really once thought ‘Oh I’m using Gestalt’ here I just applied what I knew best to a given situation really.
The best counsellors see the person and then decide on the therapy used. I don’t like the time limit imposed on CBT and also while I think it can work for a lot of people it’s not the ‘golden child’ of psychology it’s made out to be. I think person centred is my personal favourite out of everything I have studied. I also love phenomenology (existential). I basically like the idea that the client is in control with you just there helping. I actually dislike the idea if psychoanalysis and the power imbalance where the therapist knows what is wrong with the patient and they slowly make their own way there. I think its weirdly arrogant somehow and not always right, How can we know the unconscious?! To be honest I’m nit sure it’s a form of therapy that will be around for much longer, though as a research tool the socio-psychoanalytic takes all the best stuff from all the years of psychoanalysis.. so I don’t mind that!
In saying that It would be interesting to me psychoanalysed.. I guess in the same way it would be to have a tarot reading.
Not meaning to be offensive to psychoanalysts..*Which I probably totally am being’ but …nah.. or so many reasons!!!
Yeah I have to agree on your CBT points, it can be time focused but I guess like with any branch of psychotherapy it has pro’s and con’s. Like you I’m all for the person centred approach. Existentialism is interesting though many think it more a philosophy over psychotherapy.
I guess it depends on the way it is used. You can use phenomenology within a person centred session where you use epoche and you concentrate more on how the person is feeling without thinking about how to help them. Apparently the way to help will reveal itself through talking through the issue by way of how you feel. Phenomenology comes from the existentialists but I used it last year in a social psychological research project last year so psychology have sort of claimed it.
xx
Got to ‘get it out’…. all of the fears, the tears, the woes, the oh no’s….!
That’s the ‘bottom line’ of counseling…
Whatever way that can be achieved is secondary…. It’s understanding yourself that counts.
All the best with it. I’ll be looking forward to your updates…
Thank you! I wondered if counselling would be sort of self indulgent. I think when you (practically) don’t leave your house for 10 years you get to know yourself quite well. (Maybe too well!) .. but I think as I transition (hopefully) to becoming a non agoraphobic person I will have a new side of me to understand.
It almost feels like we are elusive to ourselves and can never understand it all.. I don’t think we are meant to.
Thank for your support.. I was rambling there as I’m just up!!
xx
So happy for you!! What a relief to finally be close to a resolution with this problem.
My melting point today was that it was my birthday and everywhere I went at work today people sang to me and had gifts and a special lunch. Then when I came home my daughter had the house all clean and dinner done. I was so happy because the last few days had been very busy and exhausting. Then I walked into my room, found my bed made (never happens) and a big stuffed ape sitting on my bed. Ah… a great day even though I feel so exhausted I don’t think I can enjoy it properly
Happy Day!
Rebecca
Oh! Happy Birthday Rebecca!!!!
I am glad you had a lovely day.. sounds amazing and fun!!
Thank you. Yes it is a relief to finally feel close to sorting things out. I know at the end of the day it is up to me but I am hoping this helps!
Again.. Best wishes!!
xx
Great news, Lisa! I’m very pleased for you!
Thank you!!
xx
That sounds like a great service. Im glad you found someone. Kat