This is not something that made me happy today when I had to take a stand. I felt sick and sad and scared but I know that this will be something that will make me happier in the future. I think that is the way with feeling happy and safe; sometimes you have to lay the foundations for happiness that comes later. The foundations are necessary.
I got a drunk phone call from my parents last night. I had been having a nice night, was enjoying a nice dinner and watching a series I really like (Outrageous fortune.. I would totally recommend it) and just chilling with my partner.
I won’t go into details but it was all stuff to do with what did and didn’t happen when I was younger regarding stuff I talked about a bit in an earlier post. My dad was all frantic and my mum just sounded a bit out of it and was going on about things that I am trying to work through myself. The phone call took over an hour and by the time it was finished I was having an anxiety attack, felt ill and drained and had to go to bed.
This is the thing. They only call when drunk and it’s always for me to sort out some problem. There can be times when months go by without me actually hearing from them about anything neutral or positive.
So. This morning for the first time in my life I called my parents and my mum answered. I asked her how she was, I was calm but asked that they don’t phone me again when they are drunk. I said that it makes me anxious and having to relive my childhood on their terms isn’t fair and that I’m about to get a counsellor to begin dealing with the things that happened during my childhood. She obviously didn’t remember calling me but apologised. I think I would have preferred to talk to my dad as he actually called me because of something my mum said he did.. but I told her to ask him not to call me drunk either.
I have to admit at the moment I feel sad and like I have made my mum upset or embarrassed but I knew it was something I had to do because it was really affecting me. I’m not sure what is going to happen in their lives and I hope they end up getting out of what seems like an endless situation of reliving the past over and over. For me I need to move on and I hope what I did today even though I am in bed upset about it will be something that will help me in the future. I can’t help them any more.. I need to concentrate on me. A phone call like that from them used to make me feel depressed for a long time after. I am going to try to let it go.. and hope that they remember what I said today.
If they call me again at night I will answer in case it’s an emergency and if they are being drunk and like that I’m just going to say I don’t want to talk to them. This is a big step forward because I have never even seen that as am option before. I have been assigned to be the ‘Sorter of things’ and I have just resigned from that role. I know that protecting myself from stressful situations like this will make my long term happiness better. I think that is just as important as doing fleeting things that make you happy in the moment (Or provide you with memories you can access for future happiness)
I was going to to a video diary type thing (Or a few) today because I have been ‘forcing myself happy’ for 2 months now and so am a third of the way through my journey but I thought this was important. (hopefully videos tomorrow!)
Love and light xxLisa
ETA-I just realised this was my 100th post. I wish It was more happy.. we can make our own rules though and pretend that tomorrow is the real 100th (I have posted pics and stuff that didn’t count!) xx
KUDOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you.. still feel a wee bit bad about it.. but I know it was something that had to me done.
Thank you for the support.
xx
Oh dear, I can relate to this on a certain level. Maybe you need to use an answering machine or voicemail, and just don’t talk to them at all if they sound drunk.
Good for you for standing up for yourself. Your sacral chakra is improving already. Go, orange!
Wow..Go Sacral Chakra! I think I will buy myself something orange to look at while I meditate.. I need to think what though.. hmmm.. That will make me happy.
We do actually have an answering machine and caler ID.. Good idea!!!
Love and light xx <3
Amazing decision
I can relate sooooo well.
The peace you will feel from making such a self-loving decision will overshadow the sadness you feel, today and/or forever.
Thank you for being so positive and lifting me up today!!
xxLisa
My parents used to treat me like that too, except for the drinking part. When I moved away from them I found this book. http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407
This book set me free.
Tried to have a look and see if it could be downloaded onto my kindle but it’s acting up. I will definitely buy this book Sun. Thank you. ((hugs))
Such an amazing step. It can be really hard to separate yourself from people that are supposed to actually be your examples and helping protect you but can’t seem to do that job. My husband has had similar experiences. Stick to your guns!
<3 Rebecca
Thank you Rebecca. I am determined to stick to my guns!!
I’m sorry to hear your husband has had similar experiences
It’s difficult to forgive and move on when you keep being reminded of a sad time in your past. This is why I had to do this today. You know ..If I wasn’t thinking about healing and doing this..I don’t think I would ever have had the courage to just say ‘please don’t do that to me again’. It’s a bit like I now have healing momentum or something.
Thank you for the love.
xx Lisa <3
Courage indeed! While everybody has some kind of issue with their parents, I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in your shoes – or on your phone, for that matter, and it is good that you feel a positive shift in your ability to tackle this kind of issue. Go Lisa!
Thank you my friend.
<3
That is just a crappy situation. No if, and, or buts. Maybe this will help:
http://ahappylass.wordpress.com/2012/09/29/have-some-confidence-people/
Please read it. I mention you
Thank you!! <3
Great writing too. Go you!!
xxLisa
Good for you, Girl!
<3
xxLisa
Very strong of you. I know it is hard now, but it will become easier with time.
Thank you M’dear.
xxLisa
My childhood was pretty crazy too!!
I..like you!…never wanted to rock the boat or upset anyone…Their lives went on and a part of me was dying inside
We can love our parents but they have no right to take our power away…I hope you understand what I’m trying to say…
What you are now doing is taking back control of your own life. Go you!!!
Love and light.xx
I do my friend.. and thank you for saying it.
Love Lisa xx
You absolutely did the right thing. This in support of your decision to go that route. They will learn respect for you and amazingly it may very well, one day, help them to bring their lives around. The cycle has to be stopped somehow. Great Love and Support. You ARE amazing. Keep going.
You are amazing too.
Thank you so much!
xxLisa