Ok, I said yesterday was a terrible day. Often when you are anxious and are in the midsts of something you find stressful and possibly makes you have a panic attack it is easy for your sight to become blurred. (I was speaking metaphorically but it’s happened to me physically too!) You have all this adrenalin rushing through you, your flight or fight mechanisms are in over drive and you feel the world is against you. I kept feeling on the edge of tears all day yesterday.
This morning I realised it wasn’t a ‘terrible day’ merely a crappy one. Hopefully I will live a long healthy life and so I am going to encounter many crappy days.. such it the rich tapestry of life. Without the crappy times you couldn’t possibly appreciate the good days as much!
So, Instead of freaking out and retreating under the covers I have decided to recover from yesterday. I made a concious decision to dust off what happened to me and to fight it. I shall talk to my doctor when he calls me and ask him a few questions such as:
(1)If you are taking me off a medication what are you putting in it’s place. As of yet I still haven’t even seen a counsellor and so I don’t have the scaffolding I need to come off medication at the moment.
(2)I have a witness that can testify that my Doctor said on two occasions that he said Diazepam at the dosage I was on was not addictive. In which case why would he be worried I would sue him for being ‘accidentally addicted’ as many people in the UK are doing now. (Personally It’s not something I think I would do because you are taking money directly from the NHS and there are clear warnings that Valium can be addictive on the box. People tend to believe their doctors over a piece of paper though I get that)
(3)My doctor has also compared prescribing me Diazepam as prescribing insulin to a diabetic. I would like to know why his ethos has changed.
My Doctor can be a bit shifty I feel and talks over the top of me when he doesn’t want to answer a question. He pretty much has what he wants to say and that is the final word.
Today I am going to (as the NHS Health guy told me to) write to the Manager of the practice. My doctor actually told me not write to her as it (The not being allowed to get a prescription over the phone bit) because it was a Doctors decision. If I write to her my complaints will then be formally logged. The Practice manager is then duty bound to reply to me within 20 days. Depending on her reply I can then write to an ombudsman or seek legal advice. This is what I shall do today..
You know, yesterday was crappy but I still had a laugh .. I had written the other day all about how nice it is to read people to sleep. I was telling Michael about this and how he fell asleep when I read to him. He said ‘But I was awake. You were just standing in the room like this..’ And he did an impression of a cartoon thief ‘I was wondering what you were doing, you were just standing like that for ages then sneaked over to the door and were standing like that again’!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!! I thought I was so clever and quiet too!! 
He was snoring for a wee while.. so I did technically read him to sleep! It made me laugh.. I thought.. ‘Why didn’t he say something to me as I was standing there looking daft?’!
Anyway, that made me laugh.. plus we watched some of ‘The sound of music’ which can’t fail but cheer you up.. aside from that bit where the Nun sings ‘Climb every mountain’ .. Yawn.. fast forward!! 
I need to remember ..that you can find fragments of happiness even on the days that feel like the universe has thrown a bucket of fresh cow pats on you.
Love, light, recovery and determined letter writing xxLisa
Go You!!!..Good girl for fighting through the anxiety!
Your being proactive in finding a solution!…So, you *WILL* get one!
xx
Thank you for your positivity!
xx
Leave town with an orange and pretend you’re laughing at it… that’s what cheers me up when I’m gloomy
I may well do that.. I wonder if an apple would work as well?
xx
Whatever, as long as the thought makes you happy
You are going to be fine I think. You are not taking this lightly, laying down while they tread upon you.
You have a plan and a desire. Keep pushing. Be a thorn in their side.
You thief you, snatching Michael’s books while he pretends to sleep. =P
Hehe! I know..I’m terrible!
Yeah, I’m not going to be made to feel I have no autonomy over my own mental health.. That’s just not happening. My Doctor was meant to be calling today. An hour left till the surgery shuts and no call.. If he doesn’t call I’m going to go ballistic. He is such a cowardy custard!
I dunno – “Climb Every Mountain” sounds like a pretty good motto for you right now. Maybe you shouldn’t fast-forward it. Sounds like you’re doing pretty well with that on your own, though, so more power to you! Give them what-for!
You know, when I typed that I actually thought the same thing. The lyrics were actually really poignant! As long as folling my rainbow doesn’t lead me to The Von Traps!
Thank you!! <3 xx
“Hopefully I will live a long healthy life and so I am going to encounter many crappy days.. such it the rich tapestry of life.” So true! And what I needed to hear, thank you!
I’m glad you are feeling better today. I hope everything with your doctor gets worked out very soon. And if possible, I’d change doctors; he sounds lousy!
That’s something I miss very much, bedtime stories! Both reading and listening to them. Good on you for finding so many happy things to do. It’s uplifting to read about your experiences.
Sound of Music is one of my all time faves as well. I have to fast forward through the “How do you solve a problem like Maria part”… once is as good as a feast (wait… Mary Poppins said that… same actress different movie).
See, that’s what I was telling my class about you. That you always find the silver lining in everything!
The battle you are fighting with your doctor is not only for you, but for everyone else that he has treated this way (because you know he has). Good for you for fighting back!!
Michael sounds like a hoot. No wonder you two get along so well.
Happy Reading and may the Vocabulary Gods be with you so you can write the most powerful letters ever!
<3 Rebecca
Thank you!! I actually did write him a letter when I was angry and found about 10 different ways of saying ‘you are an incompetent buffoon’. I am thinking I will wait till my anger at him/the whole situation has subsided slightly so that I say what I want to while at the same time not sounding like I hate him. (It does feel that way but It wouldn’t do any good to say it over and over again).
I shall indeed wait till the stars align and allow the vocabulary Gods to guide me..
I quite like the ‘How do you solve a problem like Maria’ song though one nun has a voice that is like nails down a blackboard. You have to love the bit where the music steps up a bit and the nuns do a walk dance in unison!
“Hoooooooooow doooooooooooooo youuuuuuuuuu hold a mooooooooooooooooooooooonbeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam in yoooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuur haaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnd?” Exactly!
xxLisa <3
mind over matter … remember, will this matter in 5 months, 2 days, an hour? GO GIRL!!
Good for you for recognizing that you laughed during a crappy day. I forget to look for those things sometime.
I am trying to do that more now. Say to myself ‘Ok..this day has been mainly crappy but I am grateful for this.. or this funny thing happened’.. It sort of makes the crappy day seem less so somehow. xx
“you can find fragments of happiness even on the days that feel like the universe has thrown a bucket of fresh cow pats on you.” <<This is the key, we can choose our focus. I have to remember this for my next cow pat filled day
Love that: “…without crappy days you can’t appreciate the good ones..” So true
<3