Ok, I said yesterday was a terrible day. Often when you are anxious and are in the midsts of something you find stressful and possibly makes you have a panic attack it is easy for your sight to become blurred. (I was speaking metaphorically but it’s happened to me physically too!) You have all this adrenalin rushing through you, your flight or fight mechanisms are in over drive and you feel the world is against you. I kept feeling on the edge of tears all day yesterday.
This morning I realised it wasn’t a ‘terrible day’ merely a crappy one. Hopefully I will live a long healthy life and so I am going to encounter many crappy days.. such it the rich tapestry of life. Without the crappy times you couldn’t possibly appreciate the good days as much!
So, Instead of freaking out and retreating under the covers I have decided to recover from yesterday. I made a concious decision to dust off what happened to me and to fight it. I shall talk to my doctor when he calls me and ask him a few questions such as:
(1)If you are taking me off a medication what are you putting in it’s place. As of yet I still haven’t even seen a counsellor and so I don’t have the scaffolding I need to come off medication at the moment.
(2)I have a witness that can testify that my Doctor said on two occasions that he said Diazepam at the dosage I was on was not addictive. In which case why would he be worried I would sue him for being ‘accidentally addicted’ as many people in the UK are doing now. (Personally It’s not something I think I would do because you are taking money directly from the NHS and there are clear warnings that Valium can be addictive on the box. People tend to believe their doctors over a piece of paper though I get that)
(3)My doctor has also compared prescribing me Diazepam as prescribing insulin to a diabetic. I would like to know why his ethos has changed.
My Doctor can be a bit shifty I feel and talks over the top of me when he doesn’t want to answer a question. He pretty much has what he wants to say and that is the final word.
Today I am going to (as the NHS Health guy told me to) write to the Manager of the practice. My doctor actually told me not write to her as it (The not being allowed to get a prescription over the phone bit) because it was a Doctors decision. If I write to her my complaints will then be formally logged. The Practice manager is then duty bound to reply to me within 20 days. Depending on her reply I can then write to an ombudsman or seek legal advice. This is what I shall do today..
You know, yesterday was crappy but I still had a laugh .. I had written the other day all about how nice it is to read people to sleep. I was telling Michael about this and how he fell asleep when I read to him. He said ‘But I was awake. You were just standing in the room like this..’ And he did an impression of a cartoon thief ‘I was wondering what you were doing, you were just standing like that for ages then sneaked over to the door and were standing like that again’!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!! I thought I was so clever and quiet too!! He was snoring for a wee while.. so I did technically read him to sleep! It made me laugh.. I thought.. ‘Why didn’t he say something to me as I was standing there looking daft?’!
Anyway, that made me laugh.. plus we watched some of ‘The sound of music’ which can’t fail but cheer you up.. aside from that bit where the Nun sings ‘Climb every mountain’ .. Yawn.. fast forward!!
I need to remember ..that you can find fragments of happiness even on the days that feel like the universe has thrown a bucket of fresh cow pats on you.
Love, light, recovery and determined letter writing xxLisa